10 Things Somebody Needs to Invent for Me. Now.

My son wants to be an inventor when he grows up. He’s very practical about it. He says he’ll be an engineer first, since it can take a while to make money off your inventions. I’m impressed by the forward thinking of this eight year old son of mine. Especially since he comes from a mother who thought being a folksinger sounded like a nice secure living.

Lately, I’ve been thinking the kid is not pulling his weight. He needs to get off his duff and invent some things for me NOW. Here’s the list I’ll be slipping him at dinner:

• GPS stickers that I can put on my keys, my purse, my phone, library books, every.single.freaking.shoe.in.the.house., my hairbrush (what? really? who takes that thing?), and occasionally, one of his little sisters.

• A fridge that comes with, not only a water dispenser, but also a juice dispenser, a milk dispenser, and a wine dispenser, for good measure.

• Bunkbed sheets that kids can actually change themselves. Or maybe just a cotton version of those rolls they have at the doctor’s office. Need clean sheets? Pull, tear, done.

• A washing machine that can handle spaghetti vomit without any… um… pretreating.

• Purell for the whole body

• Bibs with hoods, to keep dinner where it belongs. Which is NOT.IN.YOUR.HAIR.

• Windshield wipers for my dining room table.

• Playdoh that dissolves when it hits the floor. If it could turn into those scrubbing bubbles, so much the better.

• An intercom system for the minivan. I am SO TIRED of yelling, “I can’t hear you. What? What? What?” Only to find out, said backseat passenger wants me to turn the music UP.

• A nice soundproof glass divider for the minivan. See above. Children? What children?

Okay, Grey. Get to work. Consider this meal your final advance.
photo credit: EvelynGiggles via photopin cc