TBT: “You’ll look back and laugh,” : stories that are only funny because nobody died.

I thought it would be fun to honor Throwback Thursdays by looking back on some of those stories we’re lucky to be looking BACK on.

Lucky for me, I’ve got lots of stories like that. Since we’re still working out the kinks of this parenting thing, I don’t see the source material drying up anytime soon, either.

Let’s start here:

Once upon a time I was a homeschooling mom of three who happened to be pregnant with identical twins.  And because I have an addiction to challenges, I decided to take my children on a three week road-trip from Nashville, TN to York, ME and back again. AT THANKSGIVING. BY MYSELF.

We were going here:

York Harbor Inn. Perhaps my favorite place on earth.

There’s a fabulous story behind this place and how it’s ownership came to be part of the Dominguez family, but suffice it to say that my husband’s uncles own it, and I was meeting Mike there for Thanksgiving dinner. Mike was flying up one day before. Obviously.

I, however, had planned this Big Educational Trip for my children that included stops in Hershey, PA, Washington, D.C., Plymouth, MA (hello pilgrims!) among others. It was going to be amazing! It was the reason we were homeschooling! And I’d only be 4 1/2 months pregnant.

I didn’t consider that 4 1/2 months pregnant with twins = 7 months regular pregnant.

Whoops.

Where it Gets Good

By the time we reached Massachusetts (one week in) I was so exhausted from lugging an 8 year old, a five year old, and an 11 month old from motel room to motel room, I could barely see straight. I think I fed them Duncan Donuts for dinner in Plymouth.

That night, I settled them all in front of the hotel’s cable TV and told them to sit tight while I ran to the car to get the box of baby food. “Watch out for Juliette, I’ll be back in five minutes.” I know I said that.

In the parking lot I struggled to lift the big box above my bigger belly. Two gay men walked past me chatting.

It’s a cute baby, but where did it come from? Who would do that?! I mean, Oh. My. God!”

I eavesdropped enviously. When they opened their mouths to speak, purses fell out. Gay men always seem to have this style and assurance that I will never possess.

I staggered into the lobby, toting my box of Gerber meat sticks and granola bars. The lobby was empty. The desk clerk was missing. Strange.

As I gimped my pregnant way down the hall to our room, I saw someone coming towards me. She was holding an infant awkwardly, out from her body, under it’s arms. I stopped walking and stared.

It was MY baby!

“Is this yours?” she said, holding out a grinning Juliette like a pair of sweaty shoes. “I found her crawling past the front desk.”

Honestly, I don’t remember what happened next. Perhaps I’ve blocked it out due to mortification. Maybe I was just too tired to log it into the memory bank.

I do, however, remember that when I walked through the slightly ajar door, into our room, Zoë and Grey were still still camped out in front of Spongebob.

Oh, the power of cable TV.