I was talking to a friend the other day when I made my usual joke about how infrequently we bathe our kids. She told me not to worry, that new research showed that modern families are OVER-WASHING their children. In fact, The American Academy of Dermatologists suggests bathing once or twice a week. Well, I could’ve told you that. Actually, I just would’ve told you that, without bothering to back it up with anything fancy like research.
Anyway, I decided to get out there ahead of the curve and give you another piece of advice, since, obviously, I am so lazy forward thinking.
IGNORE YOUR CHILDREN.
Gone are the days when parents turned their kids out-of-doors after breakfast and expected to see them again at dinner time. Thanks to shows like Criminal Minds and Law and Order we know that the world is a dangerous place and anything could happen. Since we are destined to be cooped up with those little people for hours on end, we need something to keep them entertained. Thank god for Pinterest. There we can learn how to make muffin crayons, and homemade bubble solution. We can print out customized Bingo boards, and lists for backyard scavenger hunts. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, our children need never be bored again. Yay!
Not.
I don’t think we are doing our kids any favors by making sure they are constantly entertained and enriched. Something wonderful happens when children are bored. This fabulous evolutionary gift called imagination kicks in. Kids learn how to make their own fun, and along the way, they make their own discoveries. All of this while you aren’t looking. This is good news, folks. Because, in the real world, people aren’t looking all the time. I suspect, (though of course I can’t back it up,) that children who are used to everyone watching and applauding their every move grow up to be Kardashians. Shiver.
On a recent snow day (I think it was #286) I locked myself in my library to relax get some work done. When I came out here’s what I found:
- My 8 year old son had written 14 pages of a story about an unfortunate family of mice
- My 11 year old daughter had Googled and baked Lemon glazed cookies a la Martha Stewart
- She’d also taught herself two chords on the guitar
- My three little girls had put together a play and convinced Zoë (the 11 year old) to film it on the iPad.
Here it is, a film brought to you by “Neglect Productions.”
Now, hurry up, go ignore your children and see what they can do!
Kurt Fortmeyer
We raised our kids on imagination. It’s the best brain food going.
Virginia
Awesome. A lovely read as I sit with my coffee in the living room, ignoring my children who are in their room, entertaining themselves (and, if the gallon milk jug I found sitting on the kitchen floor is an indicator, helping each other make chocolate milk too- which is kind awesome). Also, your brilliance is once again backed by research – a study came out last week or so that kids who are constantly watched and praised by parents turn into narcissists (aka, kardashains). Also, despite the fact that law and order and criminal minds convinced me that my kid was either going to be a serial killer or be killed by one (and hence, both of which I had to stop watching when pregnant) American kids (and particularly white, middle class American kids) are significantly safer than at any other time. So yay for ignoring! And that play is Awesom beyond words.
Karen
This movie gave the giggles this morning. And yes I too ignored my kids and let them roam the neighborhood. Except for reading to them and the occasional game they pretty much depended on themselves and other kids for fun. My boy child,now (gasp) 50, invented sports stuff usually with balls, the girl child entire worlds with paper,crayon, scissors,glue and tape. And since most of their childhood was in the South, lots of outdoor backyard adventures. I applaud your benign neglect.
Lindy
Jen,
I loved your post. My four children are 14 to 22 now and I loved the Fake Bakery shops, or Fake Animal hospitals or any other inventive thing they came up with when we weren’t telling them how to play. When my children were little, I read the book, The Blessings of a Skinned Knee, it definitely reminded me that I was on the right path. Keep them imagining, failing, exploring and using their own brain to grow. Applauds Jen, all around!!
Alyse Black
So so so agree. And I love your sense of humor. As a Momma of a 2 year old and 3.5 year old, as well as a singer-songwriter playing 130 to 150 shows a year and working on multiple recording projects, sometimes I feel like I don’t have another choice than to work at the table in the kitchen while they play. I do let them watch more disney movies than I care to admit. But they definitely have lots of creative free-roaming the house (and back yard) time.
Jen
I’ve got no idea how you pull off that touring schedule with those littles! Kudos! Do you take them with?
Alyse Black
Well, it’s a balancing act. Both, really. I’ve brought a tour nanny. I’ve left the kids with close friends or family for a few days at a time. I’ve left them at home for a few days to a week with one of their grandmas. It’s a logistics battle most every time. But… I get to be a musician and a mommy! My cup (and To Do list) runneth over… 🙂
Jen
And that there is the truth of a life in the arts. I raise my full cup to yours, mama. Well done!
Alyse Black
Well, thank you! And cheers to you!